Community | Blog

By Moriah Jackson

Toddler Classroom Teacher

Unlike many conventional methods of “toilet training”, the Montessori approach to toileting is very gradual and can be started from birth. For toilet learning, there are a couple of different aspects that must be considered when assessing whether or not your child is “ready”. Physically, children begin to gain more control over their sphincter muscles by around 24 months, but emotionally and mentally the process can be started even before this. This can be done by using correct terminology for body parts and functions, explaining the process of changing your child’s diapers in a neutral manner, or providing them with cloth diapers so that they can feel the difference the sensations of wetness and dryness, connecting these sensations to the release of their bladder. You may also start to familiarize your child with the bathroom space, modeling its use, and inviting the crawling or walking child to sit on their own potty. In the toddler community and at home, there are three things that are important for toilet learning:

1. Preparation of the Environment 

2. Following a Toileting Routine 

3. Clothing for Independence 

Preparation of the Environment 

It is important to prepare the bathroom area in such a way that the child is set up for success. For the physical environment, you should have:

• A child-sized toilet or portable potty so that the child can be balanced with both of their feet on the ground (alternatively, you may choose to use a toilet-seat and a stepstool on an adult sized toilet)
• Stepstool to access the sink, soap and hand towel
• Toilet paper or wipes in a basket, individual pieces ensure the paper is not all unrolled and wasted
• Hamper or waterproof wet bag for the child to put their soiled clothing
• Basket, cubby or drawer with changes of underwear and clothes that the child can access independently (ideally a choice of 2)

As much as possible, try not to use distractions such as toys or books unless deemed absolutely necessary. The goal is to provide your child with a space where they can really experience and focus on the sensations that come with urinating or having a bowel movement. That being said, a children’s book about toileting (such as “Potty” by Leslie Patricelli or “Everyone Poops” by Taro Gomi) or activities that help relax the sphincter muscles such as blowing bubbles, can be useful tools for children that are struggling to get comfortable or are feeling anxious! The preparation of the emotional environment is equally important. Children will easily pick up on our expectations, reactions and feelings surrounding toileting, and internalize them. Make sure you are using positive or neutral language, tones and expressions when speaking about the natural process so that the child feels comfortable with it. When your child experiences a miss, do not shame them, but simply state what has happened (e.g. “Your underwear is wet. You have urinated. Let’s go to the bathroom and change your clothes.”) Though it is challenging, we should also refrain from over-celebrating when they are successful as this puts the emphasis on the adult rather than allowing the child to own the experience! 

Following a Toileting Routine 

Toddlers are incredibly reliant on order and routine to feel confident and comfortable, especially when they are learning something new. This is why they need to follow a predictable, sensible schedule when toileting. Because toddlers are still learning how to control their sphincter muscles and working on their expressive language, they are unable to tell you directly when they need to visit the bathroom. It is up to the adult to carefully observe their child and plan bathroom visits ahead so that they can support toddlers in being successful. At the start, it can be helpful to visit the bathroom every hour, or whenever your child has wet clothes; as you get to know their unique rhythm, this may become every two hours, depending on the child. Some good set times to visit the bathroom include: after waking, after a meal, before going outside, when changing clothing, before taking a bath, between play activities or after big movements, before going to bed. Each time you visit the bathroom, follow the same routine:

1. Matter-of-factly tell them: “It is time to sit on the toilet,” and walk with them to the bathroom
2. Work together to remove underwear or clothes, inviting them to put any soiled items in the hamper
3. Invite them to sit on the toilet; there is no need to force them to sit for any amount of time but ensure that they understand your expectation that they sit and gently help them to, even for a moment, even if nothing happens this time
4. You may describe to them the feeling of “pressure in their bladder”, and invite them to “push their urine out” as they sit, gesturing to the lower abdomen or indicating your own
5. If they urinate or stand up, neutrally note: “You urinated,” or “Maybe next time you will have some urine to push out.”
6. Invite them to help you empty the bowl or flush the toilet
7. Show them where their changes of clothes are and invite them to choose; work together to change
8. Tell them it is time to wash hands, and do so together, modeling and aiding them as necessary

Clothing for Independence

One of the most important tools in the toileting process is ensuring that toddlers are dressed in clothing that offer them freedom of movement and independence. Clothing should be easy to pull up and down, not too tight around the waist and legs, and not too loose around the waist. Cotton sweatpants or shorts with elastic are a good choice. Cotton t-shirts or sweatshirts that are wide-necked can be paired with these. Clothing with extra fabric such as dresses or skirts are not ideal as they can get in the way or dip in the toilet bowl! When your toddler transitions into underwear, you may choose cotton underwear or cotton padded underwear (also known as “training pants”). Cotton underwear, as opposed to diapers which wick away moisture, allow the child to feel the sensation of wetness that they can then connect to the preceding feelings of a full bladder. The former is ideal for daytime use, and the latter for travel or night-time as it catches more urine. You may also choose to use padded underwear with a waterproof layer for journeys in the car. It is important to note that switching in between underwear and diapers can send the child mixed signals and prolong the toileting process. It is recommended that pull-ups be used only during nap or bedtime when your child does not have control over their sphincter muscles. 

Remember that the toileting process takes time; your child is learning a new skill and will need a lot of practice! Maintain a positive, calm and patient attitude as best as possible, whether there are successes or misses, toddlers look to us as adults to set the tone. Each child has their own personality and thus learns things in their own way; meet them where they are at and walk with them one step at a time.